Those of you who know me closely know I've been struggling with a few things lately. The biggest obstacle in my life at the present has been other peoples sin. I know. I know. We're all sinners. I AM a sinner. But growing up fairly "sheltered" I've never been exposed to so many worldy sins. Not even in college. Its happening all around me. And it makes me very sad. REALLY REALLY sad. I wrote a post recently about a very small part of it, but there is so much more.
Being a Christian is HARD. Its hard everywhere. But I actually do think its harder in some environments. I have so many good friends here, and so does Tedd. But sometimes it is hard being the one that always has the different opinion. Its exhausting really. People will state what they are doing, or what they plan to do and I wince. I get sad inside. Individuals that we know personally being primiscuous, taking advantage of the government and money, having marriages that are "too relaxed" in my opinion. I feel like I am constantly "correcting" people. I AM constantly saying, "thats terrible! You can't do that. Don't talk about that in my house." etc etc etc. To them its normal. But it makes me sad.
Just last night I was actually crying to Tedd about how sad I was that I don't feel like I fit in because I'm so conservative. Everyone calls me "amish". Everyone. They tease me because I'm so uptight about some things. I won't let certain tv shows be played in my home on netflix (Family Guy, American Dad etc.) They think I'm a crazy lady. Of course Tedd comforted me and told me that he loves me just the way I am. I spent a lot of time in prayer last night and guess what happened!?
God answered. Yep. He's pretty amazing like that. As I was doing dishes and making breakfast this morning I loaded a "Focus on the Family" broadcast to listen to. I listen to them often. I truly believe that God had me listen to this today for a reason. Soon after starting to listen, a pastor made this statement,
"If a blind man steps on your foot, would you be mad at him?"
Of course not! You would feel sympathy for him. WOW. Let me explain. He explained that the people in this world that do not have Jesus in their lives are "blind". They may be "good people" but they don't "know"where they're going, don't know or don't care that what they're doing is wrong. And as christian's it is our responsibility to LOVE them, to care about them, and to let God show himself through us. Instead of worrying about how horrible the world is around us, we need to love them. We need to pray for them. We can't change things overnight. We cannot build a brick building ourselves in a day. So instead we day by day, lay one brick. We lay the foundation and pray that God will work in their lives.
This probably makes no sense to anyone else. But it helped me. I have a little more peace this morning. I am praying to God that I can start to worry less about all of the terrible things that happen in this scary world and instead pray for and love those people just like Jesus would.
I am quite sure that I am not going to feel like I "fit in" anytime soon. I'm sure people are still going to tease me and not understand why I am as conservative as I am, but I am okay with it. I intend to daily pray for these people in my life, to ask God to forgive me for my daily sins, and to pray that I can become a good enough example for them to see God working in my life.