Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Exactly....

Dear America,

Do you remember me? I’m a military wife. The one who may or may not have a bumper sticker, an accent and an Army Wife t-shirt. My social security number, marriage license, driver’s license and car registration were all issued in different states. I am a product of my environment which means I love a Texas Longhorn burger but I still really miss my Maine lobster. I’m the one who takes too many pictures because I know once we leave here, we will never walk this way again.

I am also the one who will soon be left behind to wait. The one who will cross off 365 days and turn the calendar twelve times. I am the one who will struggle with 2am and unopened pickle jars. The one who will cry secretly and smile bravely. I am the one who will be able to tell you exactly what time it is in Korea and how long it takes for a letter to come. I’m the one who will spend the next year talking to a computer screen and sleeping on the wrong side of the
  bed.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s the same thing everyone thinks. He’ll miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our birthdays and anniversary. He’ll miss a graduation, Easter, Super Bowl and 4th of July. Regardless how important those things are, they are just events. You know that they are coming and you can prepare, mentally and emotionally.

As much as I’m dreading the events he’ll miss, I’m dreading the moments even more. Those you cannot prepare for. They come without warning. They will be found in the frantic Monday morning when nothing will make me smile but a “Hi Baby” text. They will be in the long hours before dawn when I want to reach across and find him sleeping. They will be found in the Friday night movies I’ll want to share with him and the lazy Sunday afternoons. They will arrive as quickly as a summer thunderstorm or the first blooms of spring. They will be there when I realize I don’t have to buy hot sauce for a year. When the Steelers lose (and they WILL lose) and when the snow cone stand opens again. It will be my cold feet missing his warm ones. It will be the silence that comes at night instead of the steady sound of his breathing. Yes, the moments will most certainly be the hardest.

So when you see me, remember that. It’s not the big days that I will miss him the most. It’s the every days. Don’t ask me about the holidays, birthdays or graduation because I’ll have a plan for those. Ask me how I’m doing on the every day and if the tears come please understand. It’s not every day that I’ll let them fall.

An Army Wife

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